Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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