Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
