My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
