Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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