and you said cock pushups were impossible
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
