The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
