he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
