whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
