Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
