If i come over, it means nothing
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I booty called her while she was in labor.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
