Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
