opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I wish there were birth control emojis
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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