Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
