My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
