I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Vodka?
Forever.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
