does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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