Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I need to align my fucking chakras
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