I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
