So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
