ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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