I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
