So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
