Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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