Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize