Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
