Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
