Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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