im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
