I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
