Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
