How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
