I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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