dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
