those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
