i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
