it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
