I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
