he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
