So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
