I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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