ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
