I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
