Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
