Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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