I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
