At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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