i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize