i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
