From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Someone shattered a urinal.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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