Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
