you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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