Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Hippo gnu deer
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
