Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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