Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
