Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
