Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
