please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Randomize
